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I'm too young for this lol!

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  • I'm too young for this lol!

    Tomorrow I begin my fun times of dulcolax and Miralax . Monday I have to get a colonoscopy . Im debating on asking the Dr if he is going to buy my dinner at least after he is done with me lol.
    www.AvidArms.com I'm STIHL out of conditioner!!
    Finally joined the ranks of broke homeowner
    Am I short stroking or going to fast?

    I know he has a bush

  • #2
    I've heard that installing a seatbelt on your toilet will make the clean out process a bit easier.
    NRA Life Member
    NRA Basic Rifle Instructor
    www.unconvictedfelon.com
    www.facebook.com/blackcoyotesrt

    I was thinking of his cannon.

    Comment


    • #3
      Maybe I should move a TV in there to.
      www.AvidArms.com I'm STIHL out of conditioner!!
      Finally joined the ranks of broke homeowner
      Am I short stroking or going to fast?

      I know he has a bush

      Comment


      • #4
        Have fun Buddy!

        Here's what you can expect (stolen from a FB post):

        What happens when you drink 10 oz of Magnesium Citrate? I'm glad you asked...

        12:05 pm: It's time. You shotgun a 10 oz bottle like it's a lukewarm PBR and you don't want to be a pansy in front of your older brother's friends.
        It's suppose to be grape flavored but it's becoming quite clear that whoever led the R&D team that day has never actually tasted anything grape in their life. You are already regretting this decision.

        12:06 pm: You deep throat a cupcake like you've been saving it for the apocalypse because let's face it...that time is here. It's going to turn to liquid form before it even clears your throat but you don't care. All is right in the world at this moment. Hold on to that. You're about to enter a very dark period in your life.

        12:37 pm: First sign of life. The pressure is growing. You already have 5 lbs of impacted PePeshittata in your colon and you basically just drank the "safe for humans" version of Drano. You feel a poop coming on finally. You think it's time. You're wrong. You get a little snake turd as a teaser.
        Take note...this is the last semi-solid thing you will see leaving your body for the next 24 hours.

        12:57 pm: That little science experiment you got cooking is about to reach it's boiling point. Your stomach is angry now. It hates you...you can feel it. You have exactly .3 seconds to make it to the nearest toilet but you can't run... NEVER run! You pray to god there is enough elasticity in your butthole to keep the gates closed 5 more steps as you start to preemptively undo your pants to save valuable time. Almost there. 3...2...1...

        12:58 pm: Sweet Mary, mother of God...is this real life? Your cheeks barely hit the seat and all hell breaks loose. The PePeshittata/ water mixture you've just created comes out with such force that it actually sprays the back of the toilet bowl at a 45 degree angle thus deflecting it in every direction but down.
        Is that blood?
        False alarm.
        That's just the remnants of a cherry pie you ate at Thanksgiving...when you were 5. The smell is horrid...the sound is frightening. You try to clench whats left of your ******* to soften the blow but it's not working. The whole house just heard your liquid PePeshittata fart as it gurgled out of your ass.

        1:06 pm- 8:30 pm: Everything's a blur. You have PePeshittata out everything you have ever eaten since the day you were born, everything your ancestors have ever eaten since the early 1800's, and your ******* now feels like you have a flaming hot Cheeto and the tears of a thousand Jalapeno seeds stuck in it.
        You're now curled up in the bathtub ugly crying because you have to remain within arm's reach of the toilet at all times. You have the poop sweats.
        You meet Jesus.

        8:37 pm: Your family will never be able to unsee the things they've seen in the last 8 hours.
        You're broken.
        Your *******'s broken.
        Your spirit's broken.
        Life as you know it will never be the same. But...tomorrow's a new day. You're going to wake up, throw on the only remaining pair of underwear you have that doesn't have a PePeshittata stain on it, and you're going to run up to Target with the last shred of dignity you have left...and buy yourself a new toilet brush. You've earned it.
        Last edited by thughes; 10-19-2019, 08:26 PM.
        Beer is like porn, you can buy it but it's more fun to make your own

        I have to bend over too far

        I get a boner.

        bareback every couple of days, GTG. Bareback, brokeback, same $hit!

        I joined a support group to help me deal with my social anxiety but I just can't seem to work up the nerve to go to a meeting......

        Comment


        • #5
          This sounds like hazing or cruel and unusual punishment lol!

          My instructions make me go through that twice
          www.AvidArms.com I'm STIHL out of conditioner!!
          Finally joined the ranks of broke homeowner
          Am I short stroking or going to fast?

          I know he has a bush

          Comment


          • #6
            See you on the other side my friend.

            Thoughts and prayers.
            NRA Life Member
            NRA Basic Rifle Instructor
            www.unconvictedfelon.com
            www.facebook.com/blackcoyotesrt

            I was thinking of his cannon.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by WARFAB View Post
              See you on the other side my friend.

              Thoughts and prayers.
              I won't be the same man after this....... Hopefully no man cards will be confiscated! I still have them.
              www.AvidArms.com I'm STIHL out of conditioner!!
              Finally joined the ranks of broke homeowner
              Am I short stroking or going to fast?

              I know he has a bush

              Comment


              • #8
                I’ve had two. First one I lost 18lbs in 3hrs which confirms my wife’s suspicion that I’m full of sheet. Make sure that NO ONE uses your bathroom while going through this. They will some how think it’s funny to lock the door.
                After all this the procedure is nothing. You won’t remember a thing. That is unless you’re one of those weirdos that don’t want to be knocked out just so they can drive them self home. Weirdos!!!
                Second time was a piece of cake!
                She wants to be your belly gun

                Comment


                • #9
                  I think what makes things worse is mine isn't until 3ish. I know I have to be there at 2:25ish. I officially just ate my last solid food which was a taco. My next solid food will be pizza lol.
                  www.AvidArms.com I'm STIHL out of conditioner!!
                  Finally joined the ranks of broke homeowner
                  Am I short stroking or going to fast?

                  I know he has a bush

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by usmcveteran View Post
                    I think what makes things worse is mine isn't until 3ish. I know I have to be there at 2:25ish. I officially just ate my last solid food which was a taco. My next solid food will be pizza lol.
                    How do you go back to solid food without being totally paranoid after such a cleansing?
                    NRA Life Member
                    NRA Basic Rifle Instructor
                    www.unconvictedfelon.com
                    www.facebook.com/blackcoyotesrt

                    I was thinking of his cannon.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I don't know but after this procedure I'm sure life with never be the same! I choose to think of myself as an astronaut. Boldly going where no man has gone before! T minus 6 hours and 30 minutes to splash down.
                      i installed a 4 point harness on my lunar lander.
                      Toilet seat belt.jpg
                      Last edited by usmcveteran; 10-20-2019, 07:35 AM.
                      www.AvidArms.com I'm STIHL out of conditioner!!
                      Finally joined the ranks of broke homeowner
                      Am I short stroking or going to fast?

                      I know he has a bush

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Don’t be a wuss and take it like a woman I mean man!
                        She wants to be your belly gun

                        Comment


                        • #13


                          www.AvidArms.com I'm STIHL out of conditioner!!
                          Finally joined the ranks of broke homeowner
                          Am I short stroking or going to fast?

                          I know he has a bush

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by gtnorry View Post
                            Don’t be a wuss and take it like a woman I mean man!
                            Maybe I should show up I a dress and use woman's restrooms all day. After all I'm going to be going through I will be identifying as a woman lol.
                            www.AvidArms.com I'm STIHL out of conditioner!!
                            Finally joined the ranks of broke homeowner
                            Am I short stroking or going to fast?

                            I know he has a bush

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Don't worry, you're gonna love it...

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